Sermon preached at St. John's in The Wilderness, Glenbrook, Nevada on Sunday, June 24, 2012
I see significant overlaps between coronary heart disease
and spiritual heart disease. In
coronary heart disease, the arteries of the heart get narrower as they become
clogged with plaque. As the
arteries become narrow it is increasingly more difficult for blood to flow to
the heart. When the heart is desperately short of blood to pump, the heart
constricts and often produces a heart attack.
The arteries to our spiritual heart also get clogged with a
different kind of plaque that constricts our relationship and full compassion
with and for others. The arteries to the spiritual heart often are clogged with
fear. The disciples in the Gospel today experience spiritual heart disease while
Jesus’ heart is unclogged and available to be present to the anxious disciples.
Have you ever been in conditions that felt dangerous but you
learned later that they only felt dangerous? Our feelings do not always equate with our reality. Our
ability to discern reality becomes spiritually unreliable the more fear we
carry in our hearts.
In the Gospel Jesus calms the raging waters for the
disciples. Often this text is read as a miracle story of Jesus calming the
waters of the sea. There is another way to understand today’s Gospel that
provides us with spiritual sustenance for our daily lives. Jesus and the
disciples are in the same boat, but they encounter the sea very differently.
Jesus is calm. The disciples are terrified.
I want to look at our diseased spiritual hearts when they
are clogged with the disciples’ fear. When our human heart is out of control
the body shuts down and has a heart attack. When our spiritual heart is out of control, our capacity for
compassion shuts down. We are less
likely to see with clarity the needs of people in their suffering. With a lack of clarity we are of little
help.
For the last eight months prior to coming to St. John’s
Glenbrook I was working in North Philadelphia as a hospital chaplain at a level
1 trauma center. In North
Philadelphia each month there are 30 homicides coupled with numerous stabbings
and other forms of violence that leave people dead or suffering torturous
deaths.
I lived in Center Philadelphia and commuted every day by
subway to North Philadelphia. In
the first few months of my chaplaincy I was terrified coming and going from
work on the subway. My fear constricted my spiritual heart and as a chaplain I
was ineffective in situations of severe trauma. With each trauma I encountered
my spiritual heart became more clogged and I became less available, less
compassionate.
My inner heart came to a place of calm when I realized that
my fears were greater than the risks of my reality. A year ago a doctor was driving to work and was hit by a
stray bullet. Almost once a week
people walking the neighborhood near the hospital were shot by a stray bullet
and sometimes died. These were
real situations, but they were the exceptions. Ten thousand people came to the medical center campus every
day and they were safe. Over the
months to follow I became less anxious. In the midst of this North Philadelphia
violent context I found an inner peace.
As I came to peace my inner clarity sharpened and I was
better able to discern the families of my trauma patient’s emotions and needs.
I knew when their rage at patient losses even their deaths was on the verge of
violence and when their loud expressions were just routine grief. As my spiritual heart became less
clogged with fear I was able to see, hear and feel the pain of my patients in
ways that allowed me to be more fully present to them.
One night I was on-call I was called to the ER. A young 17 year old African American
boy returning home from his high school was shot multiple times. He was brought to the ER and the docs
worked on him for 30 minutes but they could not save him. In the meantime over 30+ family members
had gathered at the hospital. That
night a young, white medical resident had just rotated on to the ER service
from another medical service. It
would be the first night that this young doctor would tell any parents that
their young son, their baby had been killed. I was called to the ER to accompany the doctor when she went
to give the parents and family the news.
As we entered the family meeting room, the doctor without
any preparation of the parents bluntly told them, “I am sorry your son did not
make it. He is dead!” The mother upon hearing the news went
into shock and fell to the floor.
The father uncontrollably wept. Some family members stormed out of the
room. A few started to hit tables.
Some threw a couple of chairs and waste paper baskets across the
room.
The doctor looked at me and said, “Well do something about
this”. I said there is nothing to
be done right now. They are
expressing their grief. The inner
waters of their hearts like the disciples had unsettled them and disrupted
their life. Again, the doctor angrily said to me, “Well if you are not going to
do anything, I will.” She
attempted to shame me, but I remained peaceful. In a loud voice in ways that she attempted to speak over the
family’s rage she said, “your behavior is unacceptable. This is a hospital. We have other sick people here and you
must be quiet.”
As soon as the family heard these words they became more
enraged. They chastised the young
doctor as heartless, uncompassionate and yes racist. The doctor was terrified at their response. She experienced their inner rage as an
imminent danger to her and others.
It was raging grief like the to believed raging sea in today’s
Gospel. I told the doctor to
leave, but she refused. Once more she attempted to calm them down with her
stern voice. Then the family was
even angrier. Finally, I said to
the doctor, “please leave now, I will come for you if they need you.” She stormed away and was clearly angry
at me.
I sat down outside the family meeting room. The meeting room door had a window so
the family could see me and I could see them. I assumed a prayerful position. I went to a deep place in me and spiritually communicated
without words peace to those in the room.
In a few minutes all in the room were sitting peacefully. They were still weeping, but now they
were holding each other.
Over the next 15 minutes I just sat and prayed. One man, an older brother of the boy
who had just died came out of the room to use the restroom. Before he returned to the gathered
family, I got up and said to him, “When you think it might be the right time, I
would like to say a few words to your family.” He went in told the family. I was immediately invited in to
visit with them.
I immediately told them that my heart was broken for the
loss that they had suffered. I
said to them, “this room is yours for as long as you need it tonight. As you may have noticed I am sitting
just outside. I am here if you need me.
I have some information that I need to share with you. It is very painful news for me to
share. Since your son is a victim of homicide, the state of
Pennsylvania Medical Examiner will not let you see your son’s body until their
investigation has been complete.
Not only have you lost your son, but you cannot see him.”
I said these words with tears in my eyes. A few family members asked for
clarification and I calmly said, “yes you heard me right”. I hurt with you and I am praying for
you this night. Use this room as
long as you wish”. I left quietly.
I went back outside and assumed my prayerful position. The room was silent for over twenty
minutes. Then the family meeting
room door opened and all the family walked out one by one in silence. The father was the last and he hugged
me and thanked me for my ministry.
I returned to the ER desk where I saw the doctor and she asked what
happened, what did you do? I gave
them the space to grieve on their terms.
Like the disciples we have all been unsettled in different
ways. Perhaps you felt the fear I felt riding the subway. Maybe at one time you have been like
the young doctor trying to control the family’s emotions. We have all felt some sense of the
grieving family’s emotion. In
these times Jesus is there to say to us, “be still, peace be with you.”
On this my last Sunday with you as your June supply priest,
I pray for each of you that you may experience deep inner calm as members of
St. John’s and as a congregation. You will know that you are deeply peaceful
when you are undisturbed by the trials that you encounter and place your total
trust in the Spirit of God.
Sometimes our hearts are open and we live like Jesus and sometimes our
hearts are clogged with fear and we are like the anxious disciples. The good
news is that Jesus is present in both the stormy and calm waters of our lives.
Our single purpose is to be less anxious and to follow Jesus’ compassionate
model.